Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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