What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
