I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
