M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
