I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
