I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
