I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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