he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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