i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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