I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
