I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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