This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
