It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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