C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
