We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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