Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His hands were made for my vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
