I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
