I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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