You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
