I just threw up on my dentist
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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