She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
