i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
