Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
