Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
