i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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