btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
