I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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