God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I need help removing her.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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