the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
