he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
