he thought i was a dude.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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