Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
