I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
