Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
