Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
