My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
