Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
someone owes me an orgasm
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
