To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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