I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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