you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
