Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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