I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
this is an emotional support booty call
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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