I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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