mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
