Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can I color on your dick again?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
