life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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