And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
