I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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