no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
