Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
