it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
