a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
