So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
