It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
