i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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