Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
