So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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