whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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