never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
