I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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