jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
